The Season of Good Cheer or Loneliness?
Ready or not, the holiday season is upon us. Thanksgiving and the Macy Day Parade have already slipped behind us and Christmas waits impatiently before us. Only a few more weeks of shopping before the kids hang their stockings with care. School vacations are just around the corner, the football season is drawing to a close—although the bowl games are yet to be played—Christmas cards are being written, and we will soon mark another year off the calendar.
There is so much about the holiday season to celebrate. As family and friends gather to eat, drink, and make merry, our hearts resonate with Andy Williams’ popular song that Christmas is indeed “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
Except when it isn’t. For some people the holiday season is a dark and gloomy time, filled with sadness and almost unbearable loneliness. The teenager who just can’t seem to find his place, the family who has lost a loved one, the widow who spends Christmas Day alone, singles who go home each night to an empty house or apartment, and even those who attend parties can feel lonely in a crowd of people. Ironically, the festive season can foster a heightened sense of loneliness for many who wish they could just skip over the month of December altogether.
Psychologist tell us that modern life is fraught with loneliness. Young people, especially, complain of a lack of close friendships. But loneliness is not restricted merely to the younger generation. A former U.S. Surgeon General declared not long ago that feelings of isolation are a public health epidemic for all age groups.
We might think that modern technological devices of communication would bring people closer together, but I’m not sure the facts support the theory. There is a case to be made that technology often creates artificial relationships, that is, relationships that exist only in the digital world, a make believe world without human closeness.
Let me explain. Maybe I’m the only one, but I dislike texting. I do it, but I don’t like it. I would much rather speak with someone on the phone, hear their voice, and listen to their inflections and tone. A voice conveys so much more than a text or e-mail.
What’s weird is that I receive similar feelings of closeness when I receive a letter in the mail from a friend, especially if the friend wrote in his own hand. Knowing that he penned the words, knowing that he took the time to write, that he sealed the envelope and put it in the mail makes the letter a very personal form of communication in a way that a text or e-mail does not.
Of course we love our devices such as cell phones, computers, smart watches, etc. because they save time, don’t they? I can shoot off a text in seconds or an e-mail, but to call someone on the phone or write a personal letter or, better still, meet someone for coffee takes time. In today’s busy world, we jealously guard our time, and I certainly get that time is precious.
Maybe, though, that’s part of the reason why we are so lonely. Our technology allows us to quickly communicate with someone, but maybe human relationships require something more than simply passing on information. Maybe much of our loneliness can be attributed to our busy lives that leave little room to engage in what Germans call “Gemütlichkeit.” Gemütlichkeit refers to more than mere communication, getting one’s point across, but describes an environment of warmth, coziness, and acceptance.
While devices to communicate are certainly appropriate on occasion, I fear that too many of us use technology way too often merely as a way to save time and, unknowingly, create distance between ourselves and others. Human beings are made in such a way that we need “Gemütlichkeit” with people. Without the time and space to just “hang out” with others, with no agenda and no structure, modern technology threatens to isolate us and contribute to our loneliness.
Several years ago, I was asked by a friend to conduct the funeral services for his father. The morning of the funeral my friend picked me up and took me to a small restaurant where his father had breakfast three or four times a week with his buddies. He wanted me to meet his father’s friends to learn more about his dad.
When we arrived at the restaurant there were seven or eight men sitting around a table drinking coffee. My friend and I joined them and soon felt right at home. These men had been meeting at the same place for decades and knew each other well. The men were comprised of shop keepers, a banker, several farmers, and an assortment of other working men—all responsible men who had busy schedules and lives but took time to get together during the work week.
After about an hour, the men left for work and promised to see me again later in the day for the funeral. The hour or so that I spent with those men, who had been complete strangers to me when I sat down at the table, left an indelible impression on me. In spite of their busy schedules, they took the time for Gemütlichkeit.
Sure, I guess they could have had a group chat on Zoom or some other device, but it would not have been the same. Only in person, only in the presence with one another, could these men experience the bonding so necessary to human beings.
I’ve thought of that breakfast many times over the past years. Maybe much of our loneliness is self-inflicted. The more time we spend on our devices may lead to feelings of greater isolation.
In this Season of Advent, the Bible reminds us that the “Word became flesh and dwelt with us” (Jn. 1:14). The Word, of course, refers to Jesus. He entered into our world to rub shoulders with us, to share life with us, and to just hang out with us. Matthew goes on to write that people will call Jesus Immanuel, which tellingly means “God with us.”
I keep thinking about the phrase with us. What a wonderful preposition that word with! It conveys so much, doesn’t it? To be with someone implies intimacy, understanding, friendship, and so much more—so much more than comes by a text or e-mail. All of us long to be with others. It’s what makes Christmas the most wonderful time of the year!
